I often wonder how different life would turn out to be if I will stop caring for you. But, the minute this thought crosses my mind, I feel strange! It’s so strange that I don’t want to care for you but still I can’t see you hurt. It’s strange that I haven’t smiled from past two months but I don’t care about it because your smile is still my priority. It’s strange how even though you filled my life with tears and sorrows, I am unable to see you cry.
My heart yells and shouts, “Don’t give her a fuck anymore”, but I calm it down thinking ‘what if she needs me?’ It hurts when people call you a whore telling me that she needs a lot more. It hurts when I realize that even though you mean the world to me, I mean nothing to you.
I know I have not given you what you wanted from me but I have given you myself completely. Does this make no difference to you? Can only materialistic things prove you my love? Is it only gifts that can show how much I love you?
You gifted me your new B/F on my b’day and even after seeing all that shit stuff you did to me, why do I still talk to you. Why do I still care for you like an Idiot? Why your text and calls still mean a lot to me? And why checking your facebook profile is the very first thing I do when I login.
People think that I am heartless and I am over you. But only I know how much I struggle to get you out of my mind. My love for you is so pure that I wonder how a seasonal rain can ever wash it away. Not that I don’t have gals whom I can date, it’s just that I don’t want someone to take your place.
It’s been two n half month and all this while I have never had a good conversation with any of my friends, mum dad, bro, and granny; absolutely no one. I have been rude to all these people. Can’t you see what have you done to me? Like a fool I try to indulge in activities I never really cared for earlier. Even a blind person can see through my pain. What is it, that even with your eyes; you could never sense my love for you?
Every morning I wake up, I can see endless unread texts on my phone but there is hardly any text that comes from you. I don’t understand why those gals are still there for me for whom I never cared once I met you and where are you when I need you the most? Why my heart always hopes to see a text in my inbox from you every time I take my phone in my hand?
At times, I feel why you ever came into my life when we were not meant for each other. People say maybe god wanted to teach me a lesson.
It’s like if your dad had two cars, one of them is ugly and old and the other one is new and he wants to teach you driving, which one you think he will teach you in. He will teach you in the ugly, cheaper and old car, so you can crash it and when you learn to drive, he will give you the pretty one. My friend said that even god works this way. He would not give me the right gal until and unless he is sure that I will the treat the right one perfectly.
But, I think there is a loophole in the story. Don’t you think if my dad really loves me, he will not mind giving me a Lamborghini directly saying that it is precious and you must take care?
I tried to show you always that now I don’t care anymore but the fact is that this thing paralyzed me. It’s killing to wake up in the middle of night and cry because I miss those late night talks with you , those forever promises .I still remember those rosy times when I used to wake you up early morning during roza time and have maggie with you and go back to sleep again. I remember each and every moment spent with you. But I don’t know why you have forgotten it all?
